Here is my EQ Journey… my results and my BIGGEST lesson!
For years I struggled to find my voice in the corporate world, I found it hard to express how I truly felt,
I felt scared to assert myself in conversations and during team meetings.
This made me a pushover at work,
and whenever I felt injustice in the workplace,
I would second guess and question my thoughts,
Is what I'm truly feeling accurate?
and if I act out on this, would my behaviour be appropriate?
Then I would push it away and disconnect myself from the situation
it would slowly eat me up inside until I finally couldn't take it
and cause me to leave the job completely.
This would be my ongoing pattern for the next 10 years.
Find a job, feel unhappy, leave after 2 years.
I was frustrated in myself but also confused,
and I didn't know why whenever I found a new job, the same issues would arise again and again.
My biggest learnings from my EQ assessment would slowly make me understand why...
The assessment took a bit over 45 minutes for me to complete,
After watching a series of videos and answering questions about them,
I felt emotionally drained as I felt like I was in the room with them.
My sister, Linna (who is a Certified Emotional Intelligence coach) called me with the assessment.
As she went debriefed me and went over everything, we were both shocked
because even though we were raised in the same way,
our results were very different from one another.
"Your access to range of feelings needs a work out."
Huh? What does that mean?? That I'm a robot?! I thought to myself.
I always thought I was a levelheaded individual however my results showed that
I have difficulty accessing my feelings and that my highest feelings
I tap into is my anxiety and fear.
Anxiety? I never even thought of that. Sure I was a worry wart and I am a planner
but I never associated that with anxiety.
But when Linna explained it, it made sense.
Anytime I'm given a new task, or about to head out on a vacation.
My first instinct is to feel worried or scared about something.
In fact I almost always get sick on a trip because of all the stress and prepping
before leaving. At work, if I'm given a task, I need to know the beginning to end
before I can even start working on it.
I always thought this was "normal" behavior for any individual
but it's great to see in my EQ test results how I fall on the graph with the rest of the population.
This allows me to see that this is something I must work on
because it's not "normal" to be worrying or be fearful like this.
"I had anxiety and never knew it."
I have always been known to be a worry wart,
Always looking for something to fill my mind with
Anytime I was looking forward to something or excited about plans,
I would consume my excitement with things to worry about.
For example, before any trip I usually wake up the morning of with a sore throat
or a headache because I worried so much it made me sick.
But the weird thing was, I never attributed it to me having high anxiety.
This word never existed growing up.
But this word came up a lot when I did my Emotional Intelligence assessment.
But what I also learned was one of the benefits of anxiety is that it brings clarity.
It allows me to be in the present moment because I'm constantly
thinking about my next move or my next thought about any situation.
Anxiety allowed me to be prepared, always be proactive.
It's what causes me to take action so I can avoid failure.
I believe it's the driving force of what makes me a driven entrepreneur.
Learning about this allowed me to tame my anxiety,
and use it to my advantage,
It also made me realize me over worrying wasn't normal
and gave me permission to self reflect on this emotion.
My next learning is one that made me realize if I knew this sooner, how different my life would be…
"Runaway and never look back."
I have never been someone that got broken up with, I was always the one that ended things,
I have had a few toxic friendships that I just goodbye with and never looked back.
In my corporate career, I went through a phase where every 2 years I would quit and look for something else.
Does this sound familiar to you?
I now know why this happens.
In my EQ assessment, there is a section that tells you how you manage yourself in relationships. Mine showed that I have a high disconnect. Which means that if there's conflict then my self soothing mechanism is to leave the situation and disconnect myself emotionally.
I always thought that was a skill of mine.
I don't ever get myself in a position to feel hurt and I am in control of my situation.
But seeing this made me realize that this is a problem that I need to fix.
It made me realize, by leaving the situation, it's not solving anything
and I now see the patterns that keep on happening,
it's me being a coward and never learning from a situation.
So I started replaying moments in my life of when this happened.
At work, anytime there was a conflict or I felt like I wasn't valued, I wouldn't have that difficult conversation with my manager, I would think to myself "I'm just going to quit, I don't need this place." and that's what I did.
I found out I was being lied to by my closest friend who was also my bridesmaid at the time and after the lies kept happening, I finally had enough and asked her not to be part of my bridal party 1 month before my wedding.
After a long term relationship where I was living with this person, I suddenly had a change of heart and ended things abruptly with barely a reason.
In my early childhood, I remember wearing clothes that were different than my school mates,
sometimes kids would pick on me and ask me what I'm wearing,
I would look at them and block out that comment from my mind,
and never think about it again.
I don't remember how often moments like that happened in my childhood but I got really good at it.
I realize my self soothing strategies were hurtful to others,
I never allow myself to show or tap into my emotions,
it was like replaying these moments and seeing from another point of view for the very first time.
At 35, I'm starting to see things clearer.
I wish I knew this about myself sooner but it's better than never knowing.
This is why my sister and I are so passionate to share these learnings,
I hope you enjoyed reading about my EQ journey.
To be honest, I could write a book about my learnings based on my assessment!
We would love to take you on your own journey too!💕